"Go About Your Business"

I was having a discussion with a friend the other day about the impact technology has on dating, although not in the obvious sense. What I had got to wondering (like Carrie Bradshaw) was which scenario is better:

a) Old School: no one had voicemail or email or answering machines or even call-waiting, so when you were waiting for Someone to call you, you spent a lot of time skulking around the house or yelling at your siblings to GET OFF THE PHONE!!. On the positive side, if Said Someone DIDN'T call for a while, you were easily able to drift into denial for AGES: he got a busy signal, no one was home, my mother forgot to give me the message.

or

b) New School: you can go about your business, secure in the knowledge that Someone can leave a voicemail or email you or IM you or leave a message on your Facebook. The downside: if none of these things happen, it is MUCH HARDER to come up with a reason for it which doesn't involve the phrase "just not that into you." (As an old-fashioned girl, I prefer to imagine the person in question in traction no matter what. This also generally leads to a fantasy in which I sweep into the hospital wearing something fantastic with a full skirt and heels, like an extra in Mad Men.) This also makes life harder if you need to go Incognito yourself.

As much as I love my interwebs, I wonder if it was better when things were a bit more mysterious, or if the removal of a great percentage of self-denial is better for us in the long run. What do you think?

Comments

[Dawn]

I think the old way was better. At least then you can come to the conclusion that you're being ignored when you're ready for it. With so many ways to get in touch these days, it just makes it maddening because you KNOW you're being ignored.

[Hilary]

I vote Old School was better. Technology is just fucking with my dating life. Or maybe that's just Jdate.

[John]

In my opinion, Olden Days are a much more romantic time — but then again who doesn't romanticize the past (or who hasn't seen "Atonement"?) Technology may have made it easier to get a hold of someone, it's also alienating our society by creating these stupid personal bubbles of iPods or cell phones. In my fantasies, people from the old days met their spouses at the grocery store or something, but can you see that happening today when there are people on their iPods or on the phone yakking, "You wanted ORGANIC ranch dressing?! Why the hell didn't you tell me this before? ...Cause it's all the way on the other side of the store, damn it!"

Long comment. Short version: go Old School!

[Gwen]

Old school. Specifically pre-cell-phones. Even in college when we hyperanalyzed each other's IM away messages, at least once you left your room, that was it and you couldn't be contacted/contact anyone until you got back. I also don't think I ever drunk-dialed anybody until I got a cell phone.

[jennifer in sf]

I vote Old School was better, but mostly because of mixed tapes! I think either option for not getting called back sucks.

[Kelly]

I think new school is better. You can't kid yourself. You can be a better judge if someone is into you or not. And you can go on about your day as a fabulous independent woman instead of waiting by a land-line phone getting an ulcer.

[French Laundry at Home]

I have a good friend (male) who hates talking on the phone, and also doesn't have a cellphone or non-business email account. He's one of the most interesting people I know because when you get together with him, you actually TALK about what's going on -- it hasn't already been covered in email or a text message.

[Pamala]

I was just having this discussion with a friend last night!!

I recently met a guy through a friend. I wanted to know more about him, so I tried to facebook him to no avail.

I finally got his number from my friend and called him (the old school way).

After getting off the phone with him (and finding out his last name), I googled him, looked him up on facebook, etc. Again...not too much info.

I guess I will have to find out about him the old fashioned way.

I think I like that better...the element of surprise. It's always the mystery that makes it fun.

--Plus how do you hide the fact that you know everything about the person before one date?

[Erin G.]

I was thinking about this today b/c I forgot my cell phone at home and couldn't check my email on it while I was riding the subway!

Granted, my husband just finished a deployment -- and I was all about "new school" during that time b/c we could blackberry each other any time we wanted to. I loved the immediate connection

But, ultimately, I am glad I had the springtime of my youth during a mostly "old school" time. I think a certain amount of denial is a healthy thing for a young girl to gently work out for herself.

(Maybe I'm just a romantic, too!)

[rachel]

How about this: these days, the first thing I learn about a guy is whether he's a witty writer. Now, I know RATIONALLY that this quality does not indicate whether or not he is otherwise a viable male. But I still wish I could wait to find out that he's a terrible speller who's oblivious to puns and writes everything in IM-abbreviation until AFTER I get romanced a little bit...

[Madeline]

While I agree that we can easily romanticize any era of pre-technology dating and having experienced BOTH, I am in the Old School column for sure. Comes down to the fact that men need to chase and women need to be caught. I have turned into a Google stalking, Match trolling, Facebook searching neurotic, and therefore way less desirable, IMHO, as they say. Dare I admit that I am so much cooler and more fun to date if I don't have access to your linkedin profile, or your imdb credit list, and I merely have to wait for your call?! Damn that would be a relief.

I am no longer doing any online dating, and although my dating life has slowed, I am way, WAY happier, more relaxed and confident when I am out and about and gasp(!) meeting actual men, not their profiles. I say Old School dating is the way to go!

[Jessica]

I must admit, I KNOW I am guilty of occasionally writing someone off because he uses "u" instead of "you." Which is surely not good.

[OH MY GOD]

... SO true. I've had someone tell me he was "bad with e-mail," when he IMed me to talk about something else the same day.

My favorite part of all the new technology is that it does make it easier to figure out when someone is avoiding you -- yet they STILL deny that they're avoiding you. Love it.

[mrhooks]

You are awesome for doing that, Jessica. I don't even use IM-speak when I actually IM or text message. I feel like I'm slacking enough enough by not capitalizing anything. I'm all for proper use of the written/typed language.

My vote? I hardly ever date, so it doesn't really matter, but I tend to avoid the online thing nowadays. A person's online personality (or one's perception of another's online personality) is often different from how she is face-to-face. Besides, I'm paranoid about girls thinking I'm some kind of freaky Internet stalker. Even if I am. Just kidding...or am I? Just kidding...

[kt]

new school hands down. you know how a watched pot never boils? same goes for phones.

i do try and control myself with the webstalking until about date three or so. because it's just weird to be swapping stories and have that moment when you ask yourself "did he tell me about that prison stint already, or did i just read about it online?"

[Rach]

If my manfriend weren't so anti-computer, I never would have gone out with him (it's going on 5 years). If I had found out prior to dating him that he has no idea where an apostrophe should go, capitalises incorrectly, or spells onwards as onwoods, he would have ended up in the reject bin, because I'm just that shallow.

Luckily, he's really intelligent and just happens to suck where english is concerned, a card that would not have been apparent if I had facebook-stalked him prior.