I Knew This Day Would Come

My mother announced last night, for the first time, that she's wondering when I will get married and start having babies. My sister announced that she wants to have lots of nieces and nephews and I better get started. My father just stared off into the distance. I'm sure he wanted them all to leave me alone, if only because he doesn't want to think about his baby having babies or doing anything that might create babies.

My mother crackled, "aren't you proud of me for keeping my mouth shut about this for so long?" My sister peered at me through her new glasses and told me that she'd already snooped through my cell phone. "There are like 10 boys in your address book! Are you dating all of them?" My mother said, "your grandmother is wondering, too."

I said, "I'm leaving now."

I've read about this kind of thing in books, but I was always pleased that my mother minded her own business. Apparently, that was due to some kind of almost superhuman effort on her part and last night, at my father's birthday, she had to speak or die.

Now the floodgates are open. Am I going to have to deal with this at every family function until I do get married? Is the next step her trying to set me up? Am I going to be dragged to every Turkey Curry Buffet between Pasadena and Santa Barbara from now until I managed to convince some poor schmoe to hitch himself to me for the rest of our lives?

All I know is, the aforementioned Poor Schmoe is in for a treat, as I suspect my family will treat him like the second coming. He Who Shall Bring Sperm And Create Babies In Great Numbers.

Comments

[Rufus]

Hmmm ... turkey curry.

[DeAnn]

I told my family long ago that there will be no babies from me. My mom was and probably still is a little sad. But they're all used to it, thank goodness.

[amberlynne]

Heh. Next time she asks, just make up some story about how you are going to be artificially inseminated by the David Crosby of your generation, as soon as you can figure out who that is. That will probably keep her quiet for awhile.

[kaitlyn]

I also just bought the new Gossip Girl. So trashy, so fun. Such the perfect book to read on a fall evening. And it's so sad that I couldn't wait until the next time I visited home, when my much more age appropriate sister would have it, but I just had to know what happened!

[Paul]

Dude, I've commented it before, and I'll comment it again: I will have your babies. Offer is right there on the table. Also, I'm glad to see that you're now dedicated to recapping Desperate Housewives. Is this the first time a recapper has recapped two shows in the same time slot?

[Jessica]

Heh, thanks Paul.

I am no longer recapping Jack and Bobby -- they send it to PH. I don't have four eyes in my head. Although I am sure someone has recapped shows that were on simultaneously, just someone made of stronger stuff than me.

I'm not worried that the babies will never arrive. I'm just worried about the floodgates that will be open from now until then.

[Sean]

Dude, just show them the first two episodes of "Desperate Housewives" and tell them it's a cautionary tale. That should shut them up for a while.

P.S. SO happy you're doing the recaps!

[Barb]

My mom doesn't harass me about that stuff, but my grandmother does. Even though she already has a grandchild who's popping out babies.

[Annelise]

I have been harassed about this since I was 25 and started dating the man I ended up marrying. First there was the harassment about getting married (which went on for some time since we dated for about 6 years first). Then, almost immediately after the wedding, came the harassment about children. My solution was to set an arbitrary date in the future and say that we were not even going to consider having children before that point. Then, in stealth, I got pregnant before that time. Now everyone is happy but I'm sure after this baby is born I'll get harassed about when we're having the next one. Sigh.

[Jennifer]

To answer both your questions, yes and yes.

But hey, at least the nagging didn't start for you until later. I've been nagged by my breederesque relatives since I graduated from high school about when am I going to catch a man and/or sperm, every time I see them.

[kw]

The only person to have ever bugged me about this was -- my grandfather. Once.

It was right after Thanksgiving dinner one year, and my aunts and uncles and parents were all bustling around the table, or gathered into their own little conversations. I was sitting beside my grandparents, just sitting back and enjoying listening in on this conversation and that one, enjoying the company.

Suddenly my grandfather asks me, out of the total clear blue, whether I'm thinking of marrying the guy I'm dating.

As I stammered out some kind of non-answer in my shock, I noticed that everyone else around the table had totally fallen silent -- except for my grandmother, who -- God bless her -- began swatting my grandfather on the arm and scolding, "EDWARD! She doesn't want to talk about THAT!"

My aunts and uncles later flocked around me to tell me that they were actually silent in sympathy. My uncle George told me about the comeback a bachelor friend of his used whenever anyone asked him when he was getting married -- "oh, sometime this Saturday or next."

[Genny]

Two years ago, when I was all of 25, my mom handed me an article on infertility and how it increases as a woman ages. Thanks Mom. She swears she didn't intend to put any pressure on me.
Only child here too, so... it's me or no one. Yay!

[greer]

Not to minimize your problem or anything, because I feel you (and this from an old married woman with a child - yes, just one and why do you ask? Not every child needs a sibling!), but what in the hell is a Turkey Curry Buffet?

[Jessica]

That's a Bridget Jones's Diary reference.

[Jennie]

I just had the oddest moment, where I was reading the words "Turkey Curry Buffet" in your blog and hearing those exact same words while watching Bridget Jones's Diary. What a wonderful evening to drink a bottle of wine (oops, I only wanted a glass), read my favorite blogs, and watch Bridget Jones.

Mmm, Colin Firth. Better than sex.

[Scarlettb]

Girl, please. My family has been bugging me about getting hitched since I was sixteen. You read that right. I was a high school junior, and I was getting guff because I had no plans for marriage. Now that I'm twenty-two, they have 1)become desperate, throwing me at the head of every eligible boy they meet, 2)decided I'm gay (I'm not) or 3)tried to persuade me to become a nun (I wasn't ever even confirmed).

If I ever do get married, now, I think they'll all die of shock.

[jg]

Every Thanksgiving I try to be sufficiently blotto before my Uncle Mike shouts across the table, "YOU GOT A MAN YET?" The alcohol numbs the pain and embarrassment.

[Andrea]

My parents have either given up or are trying a new passive aggressive tactic. Just the other day, my father called to let me know he was happy that I've chosen a career and that I can always adopt children after I'm too old to actually birth them. I'm 27. Gaah.

[stephanie]

yes, yes, and yes. it gets worse after you turn 30.

[audra]

I just got married and we're NOT having kids. Scary! Scary!

[laconicchick]

I met my boyfriend's huge family on his mom's side for the first time over Thanksgiving this weekend (I'm in Canada), and while we were all picking apples his 10-year-old cousin asked me if we were going to get married. And then my boyfriend's sisters and cousins all fell silent and looked at me. Good times. And I'm only 20! Christ.

[darla]

Haven't you thought about what they're all thinking about? You getting married and having kids is are probably the things parents (or maybe just your mom) hope for for their children. Although your dad seems to just be sitting in a corner and looking away everytime your mother talks about marriage, deep inside he wants you to be happily married and starting a family of your own.